A sense of self worth

It has been quite a while since I wrote anything on this blog.
Sure, a couple of months doesn’t strike one as too long. Especially when there are people who go on for years without writing anything.
But I feel that I owe some kind of explanation. If not for the few who read this, then mostly for my own sense of worth.

Let us start with the simple reason – I’m unemployed and have been for a year now. And I have been looking for employment, mostly in the field of QA and technical support. But my luck has yet to change.
I’m telling you this because it is closely related to my self worth as a human being. If I can’t make a living, I can’t be independent nor contribute in any monetary fashion to all sort of things. This has contributed to a sense of anxiety on some days and apathy on others.
So it has been hard for me to write. There will be islands of concrete feelings in which I am capable of accomplishing something of worth, such as I started with this Blog. But most often than not, I felt like I’ll do it tomorrow because today I don’t feel like it.

But I want this to change, so I tried several options.
I’ve went to therapy, which did bring up several things that I didn’t want to say out loud. But I felt at some point that I only rehashed things I already heard and talked about, so I quite therapy.
So I’ve decided to go for prescription drugs. Which I am currently on, and I found that it does help to get rid of some of the anxiety I’ve been feeling.

And I hope that I’ll be able to hold onto writing here, because it does give me a sense of worth that I so much lack this last year. After all, if there’s a reoccurring theme I do try to hold in this blog is Hope.


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